KEEPING THE HOME FIRES BURNING (AN EXCHANGE WITH OUR PET SITTER, WHOM I WROTE TO SEE IF OUR HOUSE HAD SELF-COMBUSTED YET)

 N sent me this message concerning the current state of affairs back at home in America:

Hi D,

I recall once seeing a postcard that said, "The weather is here.  Wish you were beautiful."  The first one of those sentences fairly well describes the situation: the (winter) weather is here.  We had a brief but intense thaw after the monster pre-Christmas storm, but now that last bit of warmth is history.  As a result, I pile on the coat, boots, gloves, hat, etc., and go forth with M muttering under my breath and dodging the ice patches on the sidewalks.  However, events here seem to be proceeding more or less as planned, including the regular appearances of my co-dog walker and the fact that N did indeed come to clean this morning.  So, assuming you manage to get home without getting shot or having any Nigerians on your plane attempt to detonate their underwear, everything should work out.

To: N 

Subject: Keeping the home fires burning

Thanks so much for the report, and especially for the last line, which had us all in stitches. I'm sure that at the time it's happening, there's nothing funny about a Nigerian attempting to blow up his bloomers. But in an email, it can cause the rest of us to pee in our pants.

TO: our American neighbors, B and D, who do not usually think of N as a comedian

Hi, guys,

This message from "our" N took us by surprise and knocked OUR knickers off.  During these dismal winter doldrums, detonating one's drawers could seem like an appealing idea. Anyway, we thought you deserved a chuckle, too. Your vacation from us is nearly up, and baring any further Nigerian "undie" incidents, we will see you soon. A presto!