GRIEF (AND CONSOLATION) 101—A POST THAT JUST WROTE ITSELF

 

Every once in a lifetime or so I have the luck to find a writer who speaks directly to my heart. One of the first was James Agee when he wrote of lying on a quilt under the stars during a golden moment before tragedy strikes. But for me, right now, Margaret Renkl is that writer. 

 

What are the chances that I should be trying to compose condolence letters to a dear family, and to myself, when I stumble on Renkl not only referring to how much author James Agee meant to her, but saying, of her own children in the aftermath of a devastating Covid year that left empty seats at many Thanksgiving tables:

 

“But maybe they will remember the joy of being together for a little while, if only at a distance, and the quiet pleasure of an unencumbered afternoon at the end of a hard, hard year. I hope they will know somehow, even if no one thinks to tell them, that such days are rare—and truly perfect.” 

 

Many years ago, I copied into my chapbook the passage where the family of a young boy is together for the last time. James Agee’s A Death in the Family, despite the sound of the title, is deeply life affirming. The beauty of the words in the scene where the child protagonist lies on a quilt under the stars with his family never fails to make me cry, but in a good way. Now, here come those words, which I feel certain also marked Margaret Renkl— 

 

“By some chance, here they are, all on this earth; and who shall ever tell the sorrow of being on this earth, lying, on quilts, on the grass, in a summer evening, among the sounds of the night. May God bless my people, my uncle, my aunt, my mother, my good father, oh, remember them kindly in their time of trouble; and in the hour of their taking away.” 

 

With characteristic generosity, Margaret Renkl has made available on her web site links to the essays I needed to read at this moment. I hope that, unlike me, you don’t need them right now, but maybe this link to "The Gift of Shared Grief" will be useful to you when you do. 

 

https://margaretrenkl.com/essays/the-gift-of-shared-griefby-margaret-renklthe-new-york-times-4-february-2019/

 

Renkl writes a weekly opinion column for the NYT. “The Gift of Shared Grief” appears in Renkl’s second book, Graceland, At Last: Notes on Hope and Heartache from the American South.

 

Her first book, Late Migrations: A Natural History of Love and Loss bonded me to her forever.